Give It All, Hold Nothing Back

I am in a long-distance relationship with Terror’s intro from the “No Regrets, No Shame” DVD/CD.  It literally kills me.

I am tired of thinking about what I don’t have, especially when I have an inheritance waiting to be unleashed.  

Despite what I may have, I still feel lonely.  I’m praying for that future wife of mine.  I hope she’s protected, I hope she’s safe from the harshness of the world.  If not, I pray God made her with the heart of a lioness that won’t let her relent.  I hope she’ll forgive me when the time comes…

I needed to vent a bit.  Thank you, Tumblr.  Thank You, Jesus.

This can’t be everything you’ve got; this fight has barely begun.  Push forward, or get your rope.  Desperate times necessitate desperate means.  Fight harder.  

I’ve lost the use of my heart.  So much to build, yet I worked to destroy.  Now I’m asking God to bless you and let you forgive me.  He’ll give you better.  Trust me.  A thousand words unsaid, but I believe these to be most vital: I’m sorry.

I am swimming, not sinking.  

Breathing, not drowning.  

Hoping, not loathing.  

“Arise my soul and sing.”

I want to be all for this…but please give me something worth fighting for.

“I refuse to be what I was again 
I’ve ripped the stem 
I’ve picked the petals 
I’ve watched the beauty 
Whither and dry 
I’ve ripped the stem 
I’ve picked the petals 
I’ve watched the beauty 
Shirvel and die 
Anyone can kill a field of flowers 
But who can sit and just watch one grow?”-Shipwreck A.D.

They tell me I should be open with it, but I think I’m going to keep it closed for a little longer.

Take bread away from me, if you wish,
take air away, but
do not take from me your laughter.

Do not take away the rose,
the lance flower that you pluck,
the water that suddenly
bursts forth in joy,
the sudden wave
of silver born in you.

My struggle is harsh and I come back
with eyes tired
at times from having seen
the unchanging earth,
but when your laughter enters
it rises to the sky seeking me
and it opens for me all
the doors of life.

My love, in the darkest
hour your laughter
opens, and if suddenly
you see my blood staining
the stones of the street,
laugh, because your laughter
will be for my hands
like a fresh sword.

Next to the sea in the autumn,
your laughter must raise
its foamy cascade,
and in the spring, love,
I want your laughter like
the flower I was waiting for,
the blue flower, the rose
of my echoing country.

Laugh at the night,
at the day, at the moon,
laugh at the twisted
streets of the island,
laugh at this clumsy
boy who loves you,
but when I open
my eyes and close them,
when my steps go,
when my steps return,
deny me bread, air,
light, spring,
but never your laughter
for I would die.

-Perhaps one day I’ll recite this…but for now, I’ll just digest.  

Ode a la Esperanza

Crepusculo marino,
en medio
de mi vida,
las olas como uvas,
la soledad del cielo,
me llenas
y desbordas,
todo el mar,
todo el cielo,
movimiento
y espacio,
los batallones blancos 
de la espuma,
la tierra anaranjada,
la cintura
incendiada
del sol en agonia,
tantos
dones y dones,
aves
que acuden a sus suenos,
y el mar, el mar,
aroma
suspendido,
coro de sal sonora,
mientras tanto,
nosotros,
los hombres,
junto al agua,
luchando
y esperando
junto al mar,
esperando.

Las olas dicen a la costa firme:
“Todo sera cumplido.” 

Ode a la Esperanza

Crepusculo marino,
en medio
de mi vida,
las olas como uvas,
la soledad del cielo,
me llenas
y desbordas,
todo el mar,
todo el cielo,
movimiento
y espacio,
los batallones blancos 
de la espuma,
la tierra anaranjada,
la cintura
incendiada
del sol en agonia,
tantos
dones y dones,
aves
que acuden a sus suenos,
y el mar, el mar,
aroma
suspendido,
coro de sal sonora,
mientras tanto,
nosotros,
los hombres,
junto al agua,
luchando
y esperando
junto al mar,
esperando.

Las olas dicen a la costa firme:
“Todo sera cumplido.” 

I am still asking, but I can’t shake this thought. It invades my dreams and brings a smile upon my face. God help me if this is real…